This is a nice verse. Restated, it seems to be, "Hey you! Remember to choose the winning side, even if you're afraid!" Trusting in the Lord though, that's a tough one to actually make real. No matter what the psalmist says, I kinda don't really want to (or choose to, really) believe it.
I mean, how can I, when I'm so utterly petrified? Of course I am a true mess and am so terrified by the thought that "What if I do trust Him and He's a hoax?" A thought from the devil, doubtless, because it seems clear to me that all the other things I can trust in are fakes as well.
Which leaves me living in fear - the very thing God commands against in so many other instances. God was Israel's help and shield. Why shouldn't He be the same for me? Really, there's no reason not to trust Him. Even if He's just an invisible train of thought, isn't trusting that, even if unsubstantiated, better than living in constant fright?
The crux of the matter, then, seems to come down to you. Are you willing to trust something so wholeheartedly, something that truly is, often, unsubstantial, that you lose all fear? It doesn't have to be God, are you willing to have such blind faith in anything? And the answer is generally no. That's why people are still afraid. That's why Christians in all of their blasphemy are terrified beings.
We say we've given our lives to Christ, but a lot of us don't even really mean that. We've fallen for a placebo, a fake understanding of what it means to believe and follow Him that isn't necessarily true. We think if we do the movements and pray and give to charity and invest in the Church and get involved that we're following Christ.
But that's not the way it works, is it, God? To follow Christ, isn't it to trust Him with all that you are and to live like the above, but by faith instead of by works? To hear Him and obey Him, isn't that what it means? Yeah, I wish I had that. Instead, I only have fear. Terror. What if I'm not good enough. What if He's not good enough.
The fact of the matter is that all I can whimper is "so help me God" and struggle on. I can't even admit I'm so terribly messed up and broken that what I'm doing isn't working and I need Him so much more than I'll ever say. I have to keep face for my parents, my family, my friends, my church. But I'll be honest with you, God. I feel as though I can't trust you. That you would betray me, just like everyone else. And I don't know how to let go of that assumption.
I really mean it when I ask "so help me". So please. Help.
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